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Ever wonder about those women who write love letters to serial killers in prison, and some who even go on to marry them? If you get your rocks off by giving yourself or other people an enema, then you’re a klismaphiliac. While babies need breast milk to survive and thrive, adults who enjoy drinking breast milk (and it seems there’s a fair few of them about) are known as lactophiliacs. Convinced your neighbour’s Skoda is giving you the glad eye? Apparently the internet is awash with (mainly) men, rubbing their thighs and making little grunting noises while watching naff 60s and 70s disaster movies of women being sucked into quicksand. A Titchmarshophiliac* is an especially perverted type – usually (although not exclusively) middle-aged and female – who has a rabid fetish for twinkly-eyed gardener Alan Titchmarsh.
Chances are they’re hybristophiliacs – people who are sexually attracted to dangerous criminals. Sploshing involves being smeared in or smearing others in jelly for sexual pleasure. Then you’re likely a mechanophile – someone who’s attracted to cars. Puts a new spin on the phrase ‘It’s a right pea souper! These randy devils want to lick you somewhere moist, somewhere tender – yes, they want to lick your eyeballs! They’d definitely like to get their hands on his bulbs, and the less said about what they’d like him to do with his green fingers the better!
And more recently, You Tube footage surfaced of a man in New Zealand with his jeans and pants around his ankles, thrusting vigorously at the floor of an innocent car park. Ever found yourself walking through some woodlands and thinking ‘Phwoarrr look at the bark on that! But if you suffer from Dendrophilia you probably would, as it means you have a sexual fetish for trees!
In July 2016, a Florida man was filmed – stark naked in broad daylight – showing a tree next to a busy road some serious, erm, wood! Maybe farting man could hook up with fecophilia man.
His broadcasting schedule swelled from one or two hours a day to appearing live in four two-hour sessions. “I was using up around 70GB of data each month, and I’m with Verizon so you know that’s not cheap.” He was addicted to the interaction with the audience, but couldn’t afford to keep up with his costs.
So he sent a letter to You Now, which put him on its partner program, allowing him to earn money when his fans left digital tips and gifts. Cashier broadcast has several hundred people following live at any time.
Well some men have such a love of them, there’s whole websites dedicated to them.
Funnily enough, there doesn’t seem to be much fishing going on in them! Might make you think twice when you next spot someone munching on a fruit corner!
Might explain how the Rolling Stones have always manage to pull such young girlfriends! Find yourself having wild fantasies about getting it on with a Reliant Robin? These guys and gals get whipped into a frenzy of lust by the sound of someone stuttering. Rhytiphiliacs have a fetish for people with facial wrinkles. Yep, these mucky little devils love rubbing soil all over other people.We got together a few random times over the years, but it was mellower.” --Jacob, 28 Who said people into BDSM aren’t resourceful? You can cum on that later.’" --Adam, 34 If I were Adam, I would have tried to write my name over it with my man juice. Also, a last-name lower back tattoo isn’t a tramp stamp; it’s the human equivalent of cattle branding. ” --Ben, 40 First of all, no one wants to hear about fish in bed, unless you’re this guy. “’Did you use organic detergent, because if not, I am going to have to leave, because I will have a reaction.’ The guy leaves, and I realize my period started. It might also help to know (for all you goys out there) that Jews are typically circumcised. It’s sort of like that thing you learned in math: a square is a always a rhombus, but a rhombus is not always a square.But the question remains, does Jacob have to take her outside when she scratches at the door? “I was on a date with a girl one time, and she had a tattoo of a last name on her back. “Tell me the five tenets of international relations theory.” --Alice, 24 I should have told you that Alice was nailing her college advisor, but this way was much more fun. As a poli-sci major who had a serious thing for one of her professors, I can relate... “I was in bed with this girl, and we were kind of dirty talking about the things she wanted to do. Also, I don’t trust a woman who isn’t afraid of mercury poisoning. Except in this case, “square” means Jewish and “rhombus” means sans foreskin. “When I was 18, I had a girl tell me to pretend her vagina was a Push Pop, while I was trying to figure out how to go down on her.Well knock me down with a sweaty jockstrap, if this isn’t a particularly gross fetish! One Ohio resident named Charles Marshall has been arrested four times for having sex with a teddy bear in public. Well, if you’re a voraphiliac, being swallowed by a whale would be a kinky dream come true, because these pervsters fantasise about being swallowed whole and digested by something…or someone!Yep, idrophrodisia is the term used to describe the men and women who get turned on by the smell of sweat. Sounds like a dodgy 80s metal band, probably stinks as bad too! You know those big rubber thigh-length boots fishermen wear?